What Your Attachment Style Says About You?

When was the last time you’ve noticed and questioned your behavioural pattern when it comes to interpersonal relationships? Whether that’d be purposefully leaving someone on ‘seen’ or bombarding them with calls and updates. Understanding attachment styles is crucial for gaining insight into how we connect with others, form bonds, and navigate the intricate web of human connections. In this blog, we will explore attachment styles, their origins, and their profound impact on our relationships.

What are ‘Attachment Styles’?

A British psychologist named John Bowlby had a keen interest on how emotional bonds are between children and their caregivers back in the 1950's. He came to the conclusion that the relationships and how we sustain them during early childhood are a huge tell on our behavioural patterns in group, settings, friendships and even on the matters of the heart. Mary Ainsworth then developed the attachment styles which are secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. Below are description to each and how to deal with one.

Secure Attachment

The attachment style that everyone strives to achieve and can you blame them? Possessing this attachment style shows that you’ll have a higher satisfaction in relationships and life in general. It is also the most common one with 55% of the population according to Child Psychology Service.

Secure attachment is the gold standard of emotional connections, offering a roadmap to flourishing relationships. With its emphasis on trust, effective communication, and emotional resilience, it forms the cornerstone of lasting and fulfilling partnerships. Whether you're already securely attached or working to enhance your attachment style, remember that secure attachment is not just a blueprint—it's a lifelong journey of love, trust, and connection. They're the ones who greet love with open arms and a cheery tune.

Anxious Attachment

“What if they leave me?” or “What if they’re cheating on me?” if you are having these thoughts constantly then you have an anxious attachment style. People with an anxious attachment style need constant reassurance and validation that can strain their partners and lead to increased conflict within the relationship. Around 20% of people have this type of attachment style according to Simply Psychology.

Longitudinal studies have suggested that individuals with anxious attachment styles are more likely to experience relationship dissatisfaction, shorter relationship durations, and a higher likelihood of breakups and divorces when compared to those with secure attachment styles.

Avoidant Attachment

Do you leave people on “seen” and “delivered”? If so you have the avoidant attachment style. Avoidantly attached individuals tend to emphasize independence and self-reliance, often leading to a reluctance to fully engage in emotionally intimate relationships.

Research has shown that individuals with high levels of avoidant attachment tend to report lower levels of relationship satisfaction and intimacy in romantic partnerships. They value their freedom and personal space, sometimes distancing themselves from their partners to maintain it. But don't be fooled; deep inside, their hearts are still tender.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

Are you hot and cold on most of your relationships? If so then you might be a fearful-avoidant. Probably the rarest attachment style of them all the fearful-avoidant attachment with only 7% of the population possessing said attachment style according to The Attachment Project.

Anxious-avoidant individuals often experience challenges in forming and maintaining close relationships. They may desire emotional closeness but are simultaneously afraid of being hurt or rejected, leading to a push-pull dynamic in their relationships.

Learn More About Attachment Styles

So, there you have it! Attachment styles are like the instruction manual for our love lives. They're fascinating and provide us with insights into why we act the way we do in relationships. Remember, no attachment style is "good" or "bad." It's all about understanding ourselves better and working toward healthier, more fulfilling connections with the people we care about. We are here to lend you a helping hand on the 21st of November. We will be hosting a talk about Attachment styles, led by Trauma Specialist Annalie Howling, at Forge, 24 Cornhill, London, EC3V 3ND. Come mingle with other singles, sit back, relax, and did we mention that the first round is on us? Click here to find out more.